Death will have to earn me

CONTENT WARNING: This poem contains themes of self-harm and ideation. Please use discretion when reading.

***

Holding on so tight,

when all I want is to let go.

Trying to keep up the fight,

through an unending night.

*

Existence is exhausting

Time is the thief of joy.

Relaxing has become a task.

Let me breathe, that’s all I ask.

*

I only feel peace

in the space between words.

In the refuge of creation.

That last bastion of elation.

*

If I let my mind wander too far,

my soul will follow close behind.

A fresh start is what I crave,

With one foot in the grave.

*

Purpose gives me pause.

Her love keeps me anchored.

An angel, who somehow fell

now walks with me through hell.

*

And all the while, it watches.

The reaper offers sweet release.

A different kind of embrace.

A chance to leave this place.

*

The temptation is strong,

but death is a trickster.

Bearing golden horns,

offering roses full of thorns.

*

I won’t make this easy,

death will have to earn me.

I’ll rage against the dying light,

even with the end in sight.

*

I've waged so many battles,

across the heart and mind.

Each day is defined by strife.

The one constant in this life.

*

And as another day passes,

I walk beside my Valkyrie.

Taking refuge beneath her wings,

Facing everything life brings.

*

They say Valhalla’s gates

open for fallen warriors.

They will open for me

When I am finally free.

***

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