breakups
When it comes to breakups, pain is inevitable, but Humans thinks that suffering is optional.
The Relationship Seemed Great Up Until... And Then...
In my senior year of high school I dated my first, what my father called a nudnik, who I met as my co-worker at my first restaurant job. In the beginning, he was a gentlemen and he acted like he truly cared for my well being. There had been no previous warning signs (as far as I could blindly tell) and the relationship seemed great. We were only a couple of months into the relationship as things started to unravel that summer.
By Andria Vetella6 years ago in Humans
Love's Season
Leaving the taco stand at 12:15 in the morning, my part-time job made me question my sanity since I had to tackle my daytime job at 7:00 in the morning. Walking home always cleared my head and put the craziness of my shift to rest before I climbed into a hot shower that silenced my thoughts and helped me settle into a night of slumber.
By Annie Bryant6 years ago in Humans
Everything is nothing if I can’t have you.
The summer is soon coming to an end. I hate watching the seasons change. In a few weeks when it becomes September it’s just another sad reminder that I’ve lost you. I had so much hope before. Everyday I told myself this wasn’t forever. I held onto the fact that I believed you would get clean. I believed we’d get married and have a family. You made me believe in things and become a person I didn’t know existed. You made me love, love. I finally experienced true bliss when I was with you. I was always content and confident. But when I fell in love with you and when you loved me back the times you did I experienced a type of happiness that someone with depression didn’t know could exist. I would do anything to be with you forever. That’s what hurt’s. There’s absolutely nothing I can do. You chose drugs. You told me to go, to leave you alone. You said you were always with other girls behind my back. What broke me is you asked me “Where we even together?”. For me you’re not just my ex, You’re the love of my life. It saddens me to know that I have always just been nothing to you other than a friend. You said you will never get clean and you will always want drugs and other women more than me. It’s heart breaking. I created this life for us in my head. And I’ve told you it many times. We’d start our investment property business together. You’d become a licensed contractor. We’d buy a 1.2 million dollar house in my town. We’d have a German Shepherd named Moischelech, Moishy for short and a Boston Terrier named Beanie. A little girl named Nicoletta Bailey because you told me you always liked the name Nicolette for a girl, my grandmas name was Concetta, so that’s why I came up with Nicoletta. And Bailey is my moms nickname. I picked Ralph because that was my grandpas name and I love Italian names. You’d have the Mercedes AMG you always wanted. I’d one day own a Bentley. We’d be the couple that didn’t like to sleep apart. That were true soul mates and truly best friends. People would see us together and wish they had what we had. We’d always be happy because we always had each other. And in our 80s or early 90s one of us would get sick from old age. And shortly after the other person would get sick too because we can’t live a day without each other. We’d die together holding hands in the hospital bed. But that will never be. Such a huge dream and it will never exist. All the success in my career isn’t making me happy at all anymore. I’m so unbelievably hurt because I can’t have you. You will never be mine. I feel like I’m starting my life over. Trying to find my way again. Being without you kills me. But what kills me more is knowing not only have you picked this life of drugs and drug addicts over this beautiful life we could live together. Is that you could die at any given moment. I did a lot of thinking. I did my research. If you let this earth I would not be able to live anymore. I couldn’t do it. I could make it through other deaths and I hate to say that because I’m so close with my family. But you are family to me. That’s what your soulmate is to you. Which I felt you were. I would die of broken heart syndrome if you killed yourself. I would not be able to move on or live my life. If you kill your self you’re killing me too. You feel strongly for your soulmate. You fell you will be with this person forever. And one day you’ll have their last name. You’ve been family to me for a long time. But I love you in a way I could never love other family that isn’t you. The love I feel for you is so strong that I fully realize I could never love somebody else. I thought over time I’d fall out of love with you. But I still love you as much as I did two summer’s ago before you broke up with me. I just can never stop loving you. It’s not possible. That is a huge reason why it’s frustrating when you ask me certain questions. “Why are girls attracted to the MGK type” (guys that look like you). “What if you like somebody else?” (directly after I told you I never want to be apart from you and that I always want you in my life). Even making a fake account as a different guy trying to see if I’m talking to other men. It’s so frustrating to me because you clearly do not understand at all how much I love you. And like I said it’s not possible for me to fall out of love with you. We share such a deep, strong connection. We have this spark, this chemistry that just never dies. The passion is what keeps me from walking away. Nobody makes me feel the way you do. Nobody connects with me the way you do. And we both knew it, I know you did too. Before we meet, when we talked on the phone for hours at a time we both felt “Yeah she’s/he’s the one. It’s an unspoken understanding we always used to have. We’ve never actually spoke about this openly. We never addressed the crazy connection we have. Something you think only exists in movies. I don’t think either of us thought it really existed until it did with us. I knew it was love when I saw you for the first time and you looked really sick from drugs and I didn’t run away. And I still found beauty in you and became attracted to you even though you were at your worst in your addiction. I loved you at your very worst. I can’t understand how you question these things. I feel like screaming “Don’t you realize how much I fight for you and how I never gave up once in almost three years?!”. I never stopped loving you not for one second. And I never stopped believing in you or wanting to spend forever with you. But now you have asked me to stop believing you and to give up. I know I need to respect your wishes and let you live the life you prefer. And I’m praying you don’t take your life because I will go with you. I will die of a broken heart. The thing that always gets to me is the seasons changing from summer to fall. The summer is so much fun. And then the cold starts coming around. And all the holidays start. I used to love them summer changing to fall because of the Jewish holidays in September then my birthday and Halloween to follow. I especially love Christmas time. Now I hate the holidays. I was so depressed last Christmas that I kept snapping at everyone. And I went to bed Christmas night begging god to take my life. It starts with Rosh Hashanah when you don’t wish me a happy Jewish new year. Then it’s my birthday the day after Halloween and Halloween. Another party I throw that you don’t come to. And the this will be the second year you don’t call you or even text. Thanksgiving with my family and wishing I could finally bring you and you could meet everyone. Reminding myself that you will never even get to meet my mom and big brother. By the time Christmas comes the depression creeps in. Wishing we could see the tree together, see a Christmas carol, see all the pretty lights and decorations, exchange thoughtful gifts. I always wished for you to come to church with my family. Christmas season is my favorite season after the summer and now I don’t enjoy it anymore. New Year’s Eve and watching the ball drop and not being able to kiss you. Checking my phone for the millionth time that night at midnight and still no happy no year text. By the time Valentine’s Day rolls around I just desperately want the holiday season to end because I can’t keep being reminded that I will never have you. That you are gone. We met at the end of December three years ago. So this is my third New Year and Valentine’s Day that I sit around praying, wishing you’d call. Or that you’d surprise me with something cute sent to my house. What I really wish for though is to be with you, for you not wanting to be without me either. The second year I think about those bracelets I told you I really wanted. That you and I would wear. You can send vibrations to your significant other throughout the day. They are for long distance relationships. You instantly shut that down it made me cry a little. You said they were gay and I should be concerned if a man would wear then because he would be gay. That really hurt me that you felt expressing our love for each other like that is “gay”. I spent so much time researching them and watching videos and your response had really hurt my feelings. I should’ve known to walk away. When there were clear signs you must really not love me. You never spent a penny on me the whole time you’ve known me. But you spent $9 like nothing to cat fish me on my only fans account. With that $9 you could’ve sent me a milkshake. I couldn’t believe you did that. I realize it’s not that you don’t have any money it’s that doing anything nice for me doesn’t matter to you. I give and I give and I give our whole time together and I get nothing back in return. I keep saying well he has an excuse the bracelet is 90 dollars. In the scheme of things what’s 90 dollars with how much money I’ve spent on you which is probably even more than two thousand dollars. However this Holiday season I have prepared myself. I will not be let down or heart broken because there is no you and I. And according to you there never was. Not even when you told me that you were my boyfriend. You were never mine even at a time I thought you definitely were. I just want to enjoy the rest of August until I’m stuck with the sad truth when the cold air starts surfacing. You are really gone. We are really over. You will always be an addict. I need to accept that and love you for the rest of my life from a distance. Because I will never not love you no matter where my life takes me. You will always have my heart.
By Tracy Rose 6 years ago in Humans
AND THE ENDING IS NOT ALWAYS THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
SHALLOM KIMANZI Dear Kasen Jamal, Your last name means beautiful, or handsome, in Swahili, my language, your language, our language. I still think you are beautiful, both inside and out. You have that full bright smile that reveals a perfect set of teeth, the height that always made me look up to you and drown in your honey colored eyes. The way you always touched my braids one by one and told me you think I’m beautiful and all the sweet things I loved to hear, like on that day, when we were fourteen, before our last soccer match when we were in your room, looking at the rest of the neighborhood, you stood behind me, with your hands hugging me from behind and your head resting gently on my head, and you were talking to me about all the things you love about soccer, and in the end you mentioned that you think you love me, and that we should make it official, but I told you to give me time to think about it because I did feel the same way but I wasn’t sure if my friends would like us together and yet you still held on tightly to me that night. I loved you, that I was sure of.
By Shallom Kimanzi6 years ago in Humans
Dealing With A Broken Heart During a Pandemic
Here's my story: My ex and I had a very interesting relationship for the past two years. The two years before that, we watched each other go in and out of toxic relationships. Our friendship worked because our opposite natures were compatible each other; we made each other better. Little did we know that this would not be the case when we started dating. We started expecting more from each other, and became very dependent on each other. We took some time away from each other for about a month and when we got back together, everything was perfect. At least to me it was. We weren't fighting anymore, and we worked on managing our time with each other. However, just when I thought that things were going amazing, he broke up with me.
By Kendall Chaseley6 years ago in Humans
How I saved my life
It all started when I was 18. This is the story of how I finally got help and got out of an abusive relationship. When I turned 18 I got with this kid who I thought was amazing, turns out he wasn’t after all. Fast forward three or four months , we moved into our own apartment and things were going okay for a while then all of the sudden things changed he started getting in my face and screaming at me. We would fight constantly. I soon found out I was pregnant but it ended up being an ectopic pregnancy. In January 7 months after we got together I went through the process of having a miscarriage and I thought my life was gonna end. The depression was horrible. My recovery was horrible. Within the next few months he began hitting me and getting in my face. Grabbing me by the neck and arms. He once threw a bowl of spaghettios at me. Broke many picture frame glasses. After grabbing me by the neck one day I left. I went to my parents and got a pfa on him. Got him admitted into a hospital for being suicidal. He got even more mad at me. Tried to kill himself. Just went crazy. A week or so went by and I stupidly went back to him. Forward a month and a half I was supposed to leave for navy bootcamp but he told me I wasn’t allowed. I then found out I was pregnant again but this baby was okay and growing properly. Here comes my 19th birthday. It was horrible he went out drinking and I stayed home and did nothing. Watched tv. He accused me of cheating so many times when all I did was sit at home and work. Fast forward more we moved to a big house that ended up having black mold so we moved again about 2 months after moving there. While we were living there he punched me in the face. Had body slammed me while 6 months pregnant. Sat on my belly and he was 330 pounds. Tried to suffocated me with a curtain. I then ran to the neighbors got help and went to the hospital on got checked to make sure the baby was okay. I then went back to him and we moved. I became a nanny for a really nice family and he then began accusing them of stuff they didn’t do. Fast forward a little more he was working in the oilfield and was never home. I spent most nights sleeping on the couch watching movies. We had many domestic calls and the cops in our area knew us by name. Near the end of the time I was with him we had our daughter and he still was never home by this time he was doing drugs. Eating us out of house and home every time he was home. He was still abusing me mentally and verbally and physically. The last straw for me to leave was him telling me he was going to kill me and take our daughter and move away so no one would know what happened to me. He punched me in the face. Gave me a black eye and tried to get me admitted into a hospital for being “suicidal” when I wasn’t. I finally got the nerve and the help from my parents to finally leave. While he was away at work my parents took my daughter I went and got almost all of my stuff and left. He came home to nothing of mine in the house. I then put another pfa against him changed my phone number, where I lived, and where I worked. Here I am a little more than a year from leaving my abusive relationship I have a beautiful year and a half year old daughter. An amazing boyfriend who supports me through everything I do. I’m currently enrolled in nursing school. And I have an amazing job in healthcare already. The point behind this story is to show you can leave an abusive relationship and start your life over again and make things happen. Yes you’ll have some damage from it but it takes time to heal. And with someone amazing by your side the healing process is faster.
By Sami Sosnick6 years ago in Humans
Self Love
Relationships are life journeys. Some journeys are life long, some short lived, and some in between. They are blessings or lessons. Sometimes they are fulfilling. Sometimes they are unhealthy. And sometimes they leave you tangled in a roller coaster of confusion. I'm sure most people have experienced one or the other or all of the above. I know I have.
By Marie Elizabeth 6 years ago in Humans
Change IS Good
I started this new thing for myself for the month of October and I am really excited to try it out. I call it “Focus Points.” I put all my main points for the month on one page, whether it be a quote or something I want to focus on. It also includes a book to read and a personal development book for the month because I don’t want to push myself so far when I just started. I want to ease myself into it, so I don’t set myself up for failure. I have also included two worksheets to help me figure out who I am. I think I lost myself somewhere along the way in life and I want to bring myself back.
By Ashlee Grant6 years ago in Humans
Will I Ever Love Again?
Everybody has a story tell and its only a matter of time before the truth comes out. My story is pretty truthful and until I started putting it on paper, I was afraid to tell my story. It started early in life, I was bullied all through school until I met my best friend in tenth grade. I felt like a popular kid when I met her. We became inseparable really quickly and we have been friends ever since, even became moms together, just like we always wanted to. When I was a junior in high school, I met my boyfriend bubba and we dated for five years. Things got pretty rough for us after two years. His family, as much as I loved them, were very dysfunctional. Things got worse when we moved in together and even worse when we moved out the apartment and broke up. I started a new job at a small restaurant and that’s where I met him. The man that changed my life forever.
By Ashlee Grant6 years ago in Humans
