Childhood
These Are My Confessions
(Here's my playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL54S-l9whMl6ZuetrDajerZNmOLBDoKrk) My life is a journey that sometimes I stop believing in, until I hear the ever so soft melodies of Pink Floyd on the radio. The soothing voice of Roger Waters has a way of easing me into the idea of accepting my dark side. If you took one look at me, you’d assume I should be cruising down the street in my 6’4, but I left my "thug" ways on the playground at the age of 13. I was a lonely kid. The kid that everyone knew, but no-one actually knew if you know what I mean. My father left me when I was two, so it’s safe to say ole papa was a rolling stone. The fact that he wasn’t around led to me to sort of idolize women. I’d put them on a pedestal, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Britney Spears was a part of my most toxic of playlists. She was my queen, my escape from the dull reality that I wallowed in when my mother was out with her home girls doing God knows what, and my solace when I could never get lucky with the popular white girls under the bleachers after basketball practice. As I ran up and down the court listening to Lil Bow Wow, I drooled at any opportunity to sneak a glance at any cheerleader that passed by. I grew my hair out for an entire year just to be like Bow Wow. Man, you just don’t know, Lil Bow Wow got all the girls. He wanted to be like Mike, and I wanted to be like Bow. The fact that a 5 foot nothing skinny black kid (like myself at the time) could have girls chasing him down the street screaming his name gave me hope. Sure, I was an attractive kid, but I was shy. It's funny because I was the most athletic, the smartest, and the most likable little fella’ in the 6th grade, but still I didn’t know how to flirt with girls until one of my buddies blessed me with an Usher CD. Yes, you heard me correct, a CD. You know those round discs that you’d stick in the portable CD player on your way to the bus stop? Yeah those. I’m glad I could refresh your memory. Usher made me dig deep inside of myself and bring my deepest darkest confessions to light. Although I had no drop top, at 7 O'Clock on the dot I’d call my best friend Jamie every day on the phone. Her and I would watch "Who’s Line is it Anyway" until it was time for mama to bust in my room screaming to get off the phone because she needed to call Tyrone. Jamie would call me every night, and every night I was oblivious to the fact that she had the biggest crush on me. We never dated, but those 7 O'Clock conversations prepped me for some very successful years with the ladies in high school. Oh, man, High School. What can I say besides the fact I went to four different high schools in two years. Why, you ask? Well, because I was a modern day Annie, but the male version. Every day I’d sit in my room singing tomorrow, oh tomorrow will be the day I come out of my shell and finally talk to the girl of my dreams. It wasn’t until I got involved with theatre arts that I truly came into myself. I found something I was truly good at, and I won all the awards to boot. I’ll never forget in 9th grade, as I performed “ Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”, the moment I felt like the luckiest cat alive. On my quest I went from listening to Phife Dawg, to singing in “Benjamin and the Technicolor Dream-coat”, and along the way I had found my tribe. I don’t care what anyone has to say, the band kids were the coolest kids in school, and it was my buddy Luke that introduced me to the band that would change my life forever. Who knew that all it would take was a little Blood, Sugar, Sex, and Magic to get my wand in motion. From that moment on I was the neighborhood rockstar. I went from baggy jeans with the 3x t-shirts, to rocking a medium “insert any popular rock band here”. I had finally found myself, and It was those days in high school that molded me into the eclectic, yet simple kind of man I am today. My mama always told me when I was young that I’d find a girl and settle down one day, and it’s all starting to come to life. Would you believe it if I told you that in college I was the stereotypical player? I mean, when I say I had girls in different area codes, I’m talking about the type that would make Ludacris proud. Yet, I’m still that lonely kid who keeps to himself. I know a lot of people, and a lot of people know me, but I still feel like no one really knows me, you know? On the outside, I’m still this likable guy with a welcoming smile, but on the inside I’d rather be to myself. I’ve finally met a woman that has my heart, and things are looking really good for us. She’s somewhat of an introverted extrovert too, and the fact that she likes Kendrick Lamar makes saying, "I love myself” for letting her in so much easier. As I’m writing this it’s bringing back so many memories that I’m starting to realize how much of an amazing life I’ve actually lived. It’s 11:15PM now, and I almost didn’t make the deadline because I had to take a break and reminisce on old times. Currently I’m holding an old Usher CD (yes a CD!), and wishing I started writing this at 7 O’Clock on the dot, instead of 9:30PM. The CD is in pretty bad shape, but I still managed to hear the classic “Confessions" jam that brought me out of my shell as a kid. So this is it. These are my confessions of how music took me from being a shy popular kid, to the introverted/extroverted/loner/ladies man that I am today. With all that being said, I wonder how Britney’s doing..
By Jeremiah5 years ago in Confessions
Disco Boy
Jim’s Woods Summer 1978 – Dunmark Park, Jerseyville/Alberton Area. Disco Boy. In case you hadn’t caught it in my last tale, I used to be into disco. I was ten years old and the movie 'Saturday Night Fever' had left a big impression on me. Huh? What? I'm not the only one? Phew, good okay, now I don't feel so embarrassed. Anyway, one day my Pop had come through Jerseyville to pick me up, so that we could spend time together. It always felt surreptitious to me, when my Pop would pull into our driveway with his Volkswagon van. I still love the sound of those engines, when you grow up with them, it is a very familiar and heart warming sound. My Pop, Randy, drove nothing but VW beetles or vans since I was little, until he moved to Thunder Bay, then he switched to a Lada, cuz they could handle the winters.
By Jim E. Beer - Story writer of fact and fiction. 5 years ago in Confessions
Won’t it be Grand
My Grandpa was a preacher. He hosted a small service every Sunday in a quaint little building with old wooden church pews that had velvet cushions. Despite the fact that they may have looked inviting with their vintage charm, they’d make your butt fall asleep faster than anything I’d ever sat on. The place always smelled like old paper. Which is fitting, I guess, given the fact that every pew kept at least 10 bibles and a hymn book to go with it. The hymn books were mostly red but not a new red. They were more of a brick red, and they were old and some were tattered. They showed their age the way the building did, but the songs were still the same.
By Ellen Hulburt5 years ago in Confessions
Peter Pan
Yes, I feel lonely. Yes, I have feelings too. In fact, my feelings tend to be what others care the least about. After all the kindness I've shown, and the fun adventures I take them on, they still tend to want to leave. Why? Because they miss their parents? Because they miss home?
By Ayra Mirza5 years ago in Confessions
MY TEENAGE MUSIC ESCAPE AWAY FROM LIES
In my early childhood years spent on candies and video games, I had a thing for music. I always have. Still do even now. It was as much as my ears could bear the rhythms and the musical instruments used to create a masterpiece that made me escape harsh reality of obliterating truths. A mental escape somehow. A way to take a heavenly path towards a dream to become more powerful than the eating disorder chubby fellow I was that could barely slam a fly down because of a sense of injustice. Why would I end the life of a buzzing bug if I could not believe myself of how to change mine?
By Audric L Fredricson5 years ago in Confessions
A Kid Growing up in the 70's
A Kid Growing Up In The 70” s - What a Shit Show What the Hell were you thinking? It is believed that the stars and heavens predetermine your life path by the time and date you are born. I agree this might be true. I also think that life experiences can and do contribute to what we say, do and how we act. Unfortunately, destiny, karma and maybe even hormones play a part in disorientating our thought process. Hence creating moments in your life, you would rather forget. I look back and see one cringe worthy moment after another in my early adolescence. It crept about just waiting to pounce as it conjured in my mind abstract truths and distorted realities. The aftermath engulfed by a common theme; I am going to haunt you until your last breath. It is quite possible that in truth, “shit happens.” Somewhat proven by the following follies.
By Amber D. Coughlin5 years ago in Confessions
Hitch hiking
Hitchhiking: Part 2. Summer 1983 From 2625 Jerseyville road west, to C.H. Bray elementary school, Ancaster On. Yes, by the following summer, hitch hiking along Jerseyville road, was well established by ‘me’ and myself alone. I never, ever, saw anyone else hitch hiking on the road. Saw a few people walking, or riding bikes though. One of the few people I’d often see walking along the road was Richard Klimowski. He was the guy that if you’d honk at him driving by, he’d stop walking, grin and point at you as you’d drive past. His finger following your car. Always made me laugh as a passenger...still does, just thinking about it! He romantically, brought my mother a hand picked bouquet of flowers one early summer’s eve...sweet, but he knew damn well my mother was married.
By Jim E. Beer - Story writer of fact and fiction. 5 years ago in Confessions
Dear Noah
Dear Noah – (Letter number one) Hey, This feels weird. We’ve never met. And I don’t even know if you exist...but...I think I miss you. Up until recently, I’ve been fine. Completely unaffected and uninterested by romance or relationships. I’ve never had the desire to be with someone or to be intimate. I honestly thought there was something wrong with me. Everyone did. Everyone does. But recently, I feel You. I feel the warmth of your arms around me, randomly, and all of a sudden. I feel the shadow of your kisses on my back, or your fingers interlacing mine, and my heart stops a moment. I have never met you, but I think I miss you.
By Bloom5 years ago in Confessions
The Quiet Child
I am the quiet one. The one who is seen and never heard. The one who never gets to speak first and consistently gets cut off. I am the disregarded, overlooked, underestimated child. I may have been born first but I am always the last to be thought of.
By Adaline Archer5 years ago in Confessions
The quiet little girl
When I was just a little girl, 12 yrs old, filled with wonder, braids in my hair that trailed down my bad, eyes wide open, strong enough to challenge the world, so I felt, Id wander off alone in my neighborhood, in a daydream like state of mind, believing I was the star of my movie. I had such a creative mind, in that world, I was a lone wolf, an adventurer, the hero, lol anyone I wanted to be. I lived in a broken neighborhood, where the foundations were built off survival, and tough love, but a love that made you feel like you were a part of a community nonetheless. The aromas of soul food and barbeques still leave a sense of nostalgia when I smell them today. the laughter of adults whom sat outside, filling their lives with small talks and entertainment as the kids played in the streets, racing feet patting against the pavement. the sound of police sirens and helicopters, that remind us why we stick together, and also of the deep brokenness no one was prepared within our community to speak of. As I ventured through this place we called home, through people that called me family, id wave and smile, but my voice was always quiet. I always held my voice, maybe I was too shy, or maybe I was afraid that the many thoughts I had in my head would come flowing out like the sea when it rushes in after a high tide. in my little body, I had so much emotion, so many thoughts, so much energy, and secretly lied a strength and braveness nobody knew. I continued thru the hello's and laughter, till id meet the gate of the community, and step out into what I called another world. I walked until I reach this wooded area of our neighborhood, that had trails and proceed through, I had a favorite little spot where id sit, where a tree had begun to slump over as if it was tired from always remaining strong. I'd lay across this tree smell the cedar and the mixture of freshly cut grass, noticing the caterpillars and birds and other life in these woods, mesmerized by the light casting through the trees, it always felt like I was in another world when I was there. despite the nearby streets, and people walking by. I learned how to shut out the noise and enjoy the silence, maybe I was good at that because I already knew what it felt like to be silent. I started to drift more into this world, and the peace and less into the other, closing my eyes, pretending I was far away from everything, yet still being so close in reality. I opened my eyes startled but the sound of my name being called. my stepdad had been looking for me, I arose silently, inhaled a deep breath of fresh air realizing I was leaving back to reality. I arrived home to the stern Voice of my mothers telling me about going off on my own, and the heavy worry in her voice with the hint of frustration and confusion, for always having to remind me, I stood there silent, wanted to scream my feelings, but not being able too, I felt so misunderstood, my eyes moving side to side as tears filled my eyes, and she continues to scold me till there was nothing left to say, she looked at me, possibly frustrated by my silence, she disliked that I was so quiet, she walked away and I retreated to my room, the only other place where I could be alone with my thoughts, I had some much I wanted to say yet I just couldn't find my voice, more tears came down my cheek, why was I like this, nonmatter the confrontation, or situation, I was just so quiet and reserved. how can someone be so fierce, brave, and not have a voice? I hated it sometimes, I felt prisoner to my mind, as I've watched other kids speak, and were popular and respected because of their outspokenness, whereas I was silent and always challenged. I saw it as their strength but my weakness, at least that's what I thought, I craved for a voice, like them, like my mother who never bit her tongue, maybe that's why I escaped from everyone so much because I was surrounded by people who had a voice while mine was imprisoned in my mind, in in the places I went there was only peace, and there I didn't have to have a voice, but amongst the community most did, and so to them I became known as the quiet girl. To Be Continued...
By kiesha5 years ago in Confessions
The mystery of the missing shoe.
The thunder and lightning raged above my aunt's house in Cape Girardeau, Missouri as I stepped out of the vehicle, looking scared out of my wits at my aunt's house down the driveway. My other three siblings and I were dropped off there, ready to spend a few days so my parents could attend a funeral.
By N.J. Folsom5 years ago in Confessions
