Getting Nowhere in Life

There are days when I wonder if my life would be a lot better if I lived somewhere else far away. Maybe everything in my life would be better if I was a CEO of a multi million dollar company. Complete with my own private island house and a hot model wife. But no... That's just some dream every man has. And as nice as the dream is. I'm a little more grounded in reality to take stock in dreams. Especially since it feels like I'm not getting anywhere in my life at all.

I currently work a part-time job which isn't getting me too far in anywhere. And I am trying to build up some habits I'll need before getting another job that offers better hours and better pay. But my mother suggests that I apply for a post office gig as a mail sorter. I looked into it... Not doing it... Just because it pays well doesn't mean it's my idea of earning an honest living. Ridiculous hours in a high stress environment. Plus I value workout time too much. Besides, I intend to get an online gig started. One that can evolve into a 6 figure income within months if it goes well. But it wouldn't hurt to look up acting auditions in the meantime. And traveling for a role isn't optional in my case. Since there's often little or no casting calls near my neck of the woods. Unless you're ready to drive 2 or 3 hours to another town. Any solutions that doesn't involve gambling would be a good idea. And it would be nice to watch my money actually grow for a change. I'm not hoping to amass a small fortune in a snap. But the least I can hope for is enough extra cash to allow some financial breathing room.

If I had around $50,000 dollars right now. I'd quit my part-time job and go traveling for a bit. But I don't... My hopes and dreams of visiting far off places by myself isn't on par with my current reality. I'm a grown man who still lives with his own mother. More or less, I'm like Johnny Bravo only a lot smarter. He's a bigger loser than I am. And he's only a cartoon character. Not to mention that he's also too dumb to get a job. And too incompetent to keep a job even if he got one. The only good thing I can say about him is that he put what few brain cells he's got to use. I can't recall too many episodes of Johnny Bravo I watched as a kid. Since I haven't watched it in many long years. When Johnny was a kid, he was short and skinny. And still hopelessly dumb as will be as an adult. He had enough brains to know he wasn't overly smart. And wasn't exactly star athlete material. But he still wanted to attract as many girls as he could. And I thought that being big and buff would help him do that. So kid Johnny started working out a lot. And as an adult, he succeeded at that. The cartoonist who created the character, Van Partible, made Johnny out as an Elvis-like personality. With the hairstyle to match. I'll admit Johnny Bravo's got some overwhelming confidence. Especially when he sees his big muscles in the mirror every morning. And always on the look out for love. So he approaches a beautiful woman saying "Hey there, baby" or "Whoa, mama!" But he always gets rejected before the first date ever happens. Usually paired with getting punched in the face. Mainly he comes on too strong in his flirting tactics. And very few times Johnny actually finds love. It lasts for like 5 minutes. 10 if he's lucky. And yet for some reason there's something I can't figure out. Countless rejections have done little or nothing to shatter Johnny Bravo's confidence. He should have given up on finding love and romance completely. I've got 2 possible theories. First, Johnny's complete stupidity makes it easier for him to stay confident. And second, there's at least the only woman in his life who has his back no matter what. His own mother... (So which is it? Answer in comments later on.)

I spend very little time on social media. Because all I see is friends, family, and total strangers getting on their lives. Getting high paying jobs, going on dream vacations, getting married, having children, etc... And I currently do enough comparing myself to everyone else without logging into Facebook. So whenever I see an old friend during my work shift. I tell em', "I don't spend much time on social media. Mental health experts say that excessive use scrambles the brain too much." But if I was going to open an additional social media account on Instagram or TikTok. It would be for a more practical purpose. More so than the stupid crap people do for likes. Everyone else seems to enjoy doing what they want on weekends. While I squander mine solving the same stupid little problems that other people are too stupid and lazy to figure out for themselves. Even if these problems are simpler and easier to solve than a 10 piece jigsaw puzzle designed for 5-year-olds. Does being stupid, not quoting Johnny Bravo, equal instant happiness?

My mother tells me quite often not to compare myself with others. Easy for her to say. How can I not compare myself to others while I'm related to people who are clearly more successful and more put together than me? I've got one cousin who's a US Army Captain. And other cousin who's been a veterinarian since 2020. One of the few important jobs to get during the Covid-19 pandemic. Plus another cousin who's currently modeling cowboy gear for a catalog. And he's the younger brother of the Army Captain. And the self comparing I do is making me "unhappy." Happiness only goes to people who have successful careers. But my mother would say useless crap like, "Everyone has their own journey." I know exactly where my "journey" is heading. It's going so slowly that an old snail is moving faster than I am. Kinda makes me think about a Zen story I heard about recently. Something about 3 different types of seeds. A lily seed, a mango seed, and a bamboo seed. Here's a short and simple version. The lily symbolizes early success because it blooms a month after planting. The mango takes years to grow into a fruit tree. But the bamboo takes longer to grow because it's roots spread underground for years before it sprouts. The moral of that story is that everything has it's own time for success. If that stupid Zen crap is true, when is my time coming?

"Slow and steady wins the race..." Save that useless nonsense for the next time you read The Tortoise and the Hare. That old story goes as far back as Ancient Greece. Long before it was made into a picture book for small children. The only time when slow and steady applies in real life is learning a new skill or something. And I honestly don't see how doing things slowly is supposed to break me out of this "behind in life" rut I'm in. I'm at a point where it feels like a single day of laziness or wasted effort could monkey wrench everything. In this case, it's success or bust!!!

How can I get a better life? I may have some ideas for that. Ideally it would be doing better than 3 of my more successful cousins, the Army Captain, animal doctor, and cowboy combined. But I'm better off focusing my efforts on more realistic things within reach for starters. And I seriously doubt my mother's idea of opportunities sound helpful. I'm fully aware that she means well. But I'm not going to apply for a dead-end job at a local post office because it pays better than what I currently do for income. Why? Because I'm not desperate enough to settle for a job like that. And I intend to do something before I actually do become desperate for any crap job.

My mother also talks about moving somewhere else every once in awhile. There isn't any serious consideration about moving yet. But I have no plans in waiting for the time until it does. All the more reason for me to get everything into gear. I must put serious effort into everything I do. From physical exercise to searching for a better job actually worth doing. I could be a fitness instructor teaching others how to get in shape for a living. Or an actor working one gig at a time until I land an ideal role. I'll do whatever if it allows me to build a successful career. Although simply affording to move out of my mother's house is a start. Which would let me freely focus on everything else I need to do. Even if it means paying my own bills and prepping my own meals 100%. Good thing I've learned how to cook in high school. Otherwise, I would have eaten nothing but frozen foods long term. And on a more personal note, it would make inviting a woman over for dinner less awkward without my mother hovering over my shoulder.

I'm sick and tired of getting nowhere in my life. And in terms of stable income, I agree with my mother on. But not in terms of job title. And that post office gig she suggests would most likely be a poor fit for me. Cause my instincts scream "bad idea, bad idea" like howler monkeys. As nuts as it sounds. My instincts turn out to be annoyingly accurate. At least according to past experience. And ignoring them, hoping to be wrong, resulted in personal misery. I recall wasting an entire summer for nothing once. Doing some useless "young adult summer camp" thing. Should have made a stronger argument for doing a summer semester in community college. Or simply signed on for summer classes and never go at all. And I honestly don't know how I'll land a successful career. But I know that once I do. My mother will change her tune completely.

I think a good example would be a character from the Harry Potter series, Molly Weasley. Any Harry Potter fan knows that Molly is a mother of 7 children. But the fan favorites in both the books and movies are the twins Fred and George. Both practical jokers since before their first year at Hogwarts. And I seriously doubt Molly and her husband, Arthur, were happy that their twin sons dropped out of school during their 7th and final year at Hogwarts. But when Fred and George opened their joke shop, Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, they became successful in almost no time. And Molly got an expensive witch's hat for Christmas from her twin sons in the original Half-Blood Prince book. If Molly had her way originally, Fred and George might have had a boring desk job in the Ministry of Magic. If anyone had read the original Harry Potter books. You'll know how Fred and George became successful businessmen in the Wizarding World. In the Goblet of Fire book, during the Quidditch World Cup. The twins put their life's savings into a bet. That Ireland would win the game, but Viktor Krum of Bulgaria would catch the Golden Snitch. They won their bet. But they were cheated out of their winnings. Because they were paid in Leprechaun Gold. (For those who haven't read the original Goblet of Fire book yet. Sorry for the spoiler...) But they did try to remake that money during the Triwizard Tournament. Which they tried to enter by using an Aging Potion. But by the end of the book, Harry gave Fred and George his prize money from winning the Tournament. And that money went toward the joke shop. And with the most evil dark wizard, Voldemort, risen back to power. People would need all the laughs they could get. And in the Order of the Phoenix, Fred and George began their 7th and final year at Hogwarts. Mainly for market research for their joke shop. Refine their products and business plans. Fred and George already had a plan to start their new business Weasley's Wizard Wheezes in Diagon Alley right after they finish school. But Dolores Umbridge's brand of tyranny over Hogwarts forced them to change their plans and start their business early. Since they already had the funds to get started thanks to Harry.

I will need to start earning better money at some point sooner or later. And I'll settle for anything. As long as it isn't what my mother recommends. I know that she means well. But there is a difference between thinking what's best. And knowing what's best. Which is why I want to explore my other options first. Mainly what online gigs I can do while spending as little money as possible. And if I have to start working 2 jobs. I want to be my own boss at one of them at least.