Nonfiction
How Things Went From Wonderful to Terrifying... . Content Warning.
In the days and months leading up to me taking AJ and Rayne and leaving the house to go move in with my father quite a bit happened. It was as if a dark blanket wrapped itself around our once loving home and enveloped every corner of it. There was no escape from the foreboding, oppressive feeling and tensions within our home and it just kept getting stronger with each and every day. Of course these things take time and with domestic violence when your in it you don't wake up to the danger your in immediately or the incredibly toxic environment you have not only yourself in but your children. Wade always worked nights and we were all warned very sternly not to bother him at work unless it was an emergency and also we all knew better than to disturb his sleep during the day. It was difficult to keep the children quite during the day on the weekends when we were all home so sometimes I'd take them to the park or on a walk outside to just get them away for a bit. If Wade was woken up, we'd all get yelled at and especially me because even though he'd say he understood that I couldn't keep them quiet all the time you could tell by his reactions that he expected me to. When NJ and LJ moved in with us LJ wanted to start doing a sport as he'd always been very sports oriented. Wade complained and told him that he didn't think it was a good idea because he didn't know how LJ would get to the games and practices. I volunteered to do what I could when I could because I wanted the child to feel like he was a part of something in this new school he'd be going to and so he could make some friends. I told LJ to go ahead and sign up for his chosen sport which was basketball and that I'd make it work. Wade said since I had went behind his back with this in his mind I would be responsible for getting LJ to and from practice and the games even though the last of the conversation we'd had he'd said if we could sort out the details then he guessed it was okay. LJ's mother ended up taking him to some of the games and picking him up from practice a time or two but between myself and her we were the only ones that were ever there for LJ when it came to his basketball games. I tried to manage things as best I could while also trying to remember to take time out for myself and improving my own mental health and well being. I started a new church where I fell in love with the congregation and the pastor who spoke with such wisdom and knowledge that I was drawn to him in a way that I have not been to a pastor in a long time. I am one of those who considers myself in the way of religion a follower of Christ. That, I believe, is all you need to know and all you really need in life. God has gotten me through everything I've ever been though in my life and He certainly has helped me through this experience. I do not know how I would've seen through that dark cloud in my home without Him. I find that I do not remember a lot from that time period as my brain has blocked most of it out for my protection I suppose. I remember one morning in particular though this happened countless times, Wade stumbled downstairs still drunk from the night before or perhaps high I am not sure which and knocked over a chair from the dining room table as he rammed into the table itself. He fell to the floor. I remember LJ was in the room I believe and Rayne, I remember seeing the look of fear in their eyes as he got up, laughed it off and stumbled back upstairs. I remember once while giving Rayne a bath, Wade came in and got upset with me over something I cannot even remember what and proceeded to yell and scream at me and get in my face to the point I was backed into a corner in our bathroom. I remember running out of the room and to our bedroom hoping against hope that Rayne could avoid seeing us fighting because he wouldn't stop when I asked him to.... She later asked me why daddy was so mean to me sometimes? What do you say in a moment like that? I just said daddy gets angry and he doesn't know how to control himself. Once, Wade was having severe trouble with his blood pressure to the point I was afraid he was going to have a stroke just like my step dad did in 2020 so I made him get up and go to the ER. Wade acted horrible the whole trip, he was verbally abusive to the nurses and myself and although they got his BP down somewhat they weren't able to do much due to his ranting and raving. He told me I should've just left him in bed. From then on, I did. I thought to myself "If you would rather die in that bed then I'll let you. It's one thing for you to take your anger out on me but thoses nurses were just doing their job." I tried telling him that the nurses didn't do anything wrong but he wouldn't get past anything other than saying they were idiots. I remember countless nights in my bedroom closet giving myself 5 minutes to break down, wish I was dead, thinking I should be dead before sucking it all back in and going back out there to my children. I remember one day he had me feeling so worthless after a fight that I can't even recall the what for that I took to my son's room since he was at my ex's house and I laid there all day sinking into my depression until Wade came in to tell me that it was time to suck it up essentially and lets go figure out supper. The night I had a panic attack on the bathroom floor right after my shower. Suddenly, it was all too much. The dim lights in the bathroom, the water soaking my body, my skin, my hair; I couldn't stand any of it...I started clawing at myself, sobbing I sank to the floor...unable to die, unable to live. The night that scared the daylights out of me and still I stayed a couple of months after that was I had come into the bedroom, he was arguing with me about God only knows what, the room was dimly lit, the TV off and I got up close to him to try to reason with him, I sat on the bed next to him and as I looked into his eyes for just a split second both eyes turned completely black. I said something to quickly agree with him and end the argument and practically ran out of the room. I went outside after that; quickened breath, heart racing, what in God's name had I just witnessed? This was a whole new ballgame...I thought we were just dealing with addiction. What on Earth was this or was it Earth at all? I was shaking when I laid in the bed next to him that night and the nights after that. Before I entered the room, I prayed for protection from The Most High and that I may not absorb any negative energy that may be in that bedroom. The next morning at work, I googled what could cause a person's eyes to turn black and a couple of things popped up....demon possession, narcissism. I was married to a narcissist and an addict.
By Lindsey Altom2 years ago in Chapters
The Five Craziest Planets in the Universe
In the vast expanse of the cosmos, there are over two trillion galaxies, each brimming with hundreds of billions of stars, many of which host their own planetary systems. These astronomical numbers may seem mind-boggling, but they offer a tantalizing promise: there are likely planets beyond our wildest imagination out there. Today, we'll embark on a journey to discover five of the most incredible planets we've found so far. These are not just figments of science fiction; these are real, awe-inspiring worlds in the universe.
By Qandil fatima2 years ago in Chapters
The Polar Vortex and the Mighty Wall of the Polar Night Jet
Have you ever watched Game of Thrones? Remember the giant wall in the TV show that kept the armies of the Night King in the north at bay? Well, it turns out that Earth has its own powerful icy force in the north, and it's separated from us by a mighty wall too. This icy force is known as the Polar Vortex, and the wall that keeps it in check is called the Polar Night Jet. In this article, we'll explore what the Polar Vortex is, how the Polar Night Jet protects us from it, and what happens when this mighty wall breaks down.
By Qandil fatima2 years ago in Chapters
How Things Went From Wonderful to Terrifying.... Content Warning.
In 2019, my ex and I had child support court so we could adjust for the fact that Rayne was no longer legally my ex's child and afterwards my ex asked if I wanted to go eat lunch on his dime as a way to say "No hard feelings and let's work together from here on out." so I did. This small thing, almost cost me my marriage to Wade. It caused the biggest fight we'd ever had as I was told I knew better than to do something like that. It was common knowledge between myself and Wade that he didn't believe that women and men could be just "friends". However, Wade had work friends that were women and that was okay because they worked together. I was asked if my ex and I had held hands on our way into the restaurant, was told repeatedly that if me and my ex loved each other that much we should just be together already and quit skirting around behind his back and my ex's wife's back, was spoken to as if I were no more than a common slut. All because I accepted an invitation to lunch...I tried to reason with Wade by telling him I wouldn't think anything of it if he and his ex wife went to lunch after court, that I had done it because I figured my ex owed me a lunch, that it literally meant nothing. He found out that I had asked my grandma whose house I was going to after court if she thought it was weird for me to be going to lunch with my ex and he said that was proof that I had a guilty conscious. I told him I was simply trying to check and see that it wasn't inappropriate because I didn't want to disrespect Wade. Wade literally didn't speak to me for days over this incident and when he did it was to let know how badly I'd messed up. I begged, I pleaded, I went to his work to plead my case and he yelled at me for going there because he said I had no right to go his place of business and disrupt his work day with my bullshit. I asked if he was going to leave me and he said he didn't know. After a few days when he'd had time to settle down he claimed he never said that and he knew that I wouldn't do anything to purposefully hurt him. During this whole ordeal, I had started a new job as a legal secretary and I was stressed to the max with worry on if I was going to lose my husband or not and since I never had any experience with anything "legal" I had no clue what I was doing and was stressing on if I'd made the right choice. I got to discuss none of this with Wade because he was not speaking with me. He never really asked anything about my new job other than "Do you like it?" It was the worst first day of a job in my life. However, this job turned out to be a God send in the end and I'm still there almost four years later. My grandmother told me after I told her that Wade said he wanted to stay with me that I had a choice to make too on whether or not I wanted to stay with him. My mind started to spin on the implications of that and what all that meant and could mean. I was letting him run the show and he had spoken to me rather awful during all that but ultimately I decided to let it go and give Wade another chance. It certainly wouldn't be his last. Time went on, my eyes started to open more and more to his abuse and his abuse of substances and alcohol. I still didn't leave. I thought we can fix this or maybe if I just ignore this, it'll eventually just get better. In 2020, there was an incident with my past traumas that triggered my depression and on top of what I was already dealing with I found I could no longer live with myself and no longer wanted to. I couldn't just leave my children to fend for themselves so I sought therapy. My therapist started to help me come out of the deep dark hole that I had fallen into and eventually I confessed to her that I was the wife of an alcoholic/drug addict and it was taking it's tole. Wade's drug of choice was alcohol and pills but he eventually started smoking weed as well which he had at one point told me he didn't like and then he got into harder things some of which I knew about and some I did not. Our lives got dark, very dark....Wade drank, took pills, smoked, raged, yelled, took his anger out on me and the children. He never hit us except with his words and those words could cut like a knife. I did not agree with how he punished the children as he would get angry and just go off. He would yell and rage, call the children names, berate and belittle them, tell them to suck it up, stop crying...etc. I started attending Al-Anon classes online and those helped me release some of the control I'd been trying to take back and realize that only Wade could fix Wade's problems. I could not fix them for him. I started discussing with Wade having demons in your closet and how we all have demons and how only we have the power with God's help to exorcise our own demons. By going to Al-Anon I was able to find some peace. I started researching things. Wade still wouldn't tell me much about his childhood but I used what little I had to go on plus his personality traits I'd observed and his addiction problems and started researching the psychology of everything that could have happened to him based on what I thought had happened in his past and what could be going on with his brain due to the addiction. I started seeking help from anyone I could find and watching videos from people who had been there and done that before me. In other words, I got smarter. I learned about boundaries in order to keep your sanity and establish some self worth in your own self and in order to help the addict take responsibility and own up to the damage they have caused in the wake of their addiction. Wade didn't like this one little bit and we fought more and more. In 2021, we went on our first week long vacation. Wade chose to hang out with NJ & LJ downstairs every night we were there and smoke and party and then he complained that we didn't make love the whole vacation. However, he literally didn't come to our bed until around 2 or 3 in the morning. Also, there was one morning where we were suppose to go to an attraction together as a family. He told me he couldn't go because he had a hangover. He knew I have driving anxiety about driving in big cities but he told me that I would have to take myself and the kids to the attraction or we couldn't go. I put on a brave face and dug deep and instead of disappointing the children I drove us to the attraction. The whole vacation we had to leave places when he was ready and stay at our cabin when he wasn't ready to go anywhere. The whole vacation revolved around Wade and what he felt like doing. I thought then, "This will be and is our first and last vacation." In November of 2021, we moved in with my father. That was the first time I left him.
By Lindsey Altom2 years ago in Chapters
A Fairytale Escape into Dawn's Embrace
Rising before the Sun has become a ritual for me. A few stretches to relax before heading to the kitchen for preparing a warm breakfast. Flicking the switch the kitchen becomes illuminated. Putting on an apron, I grabbed the necessary ingredients to start cooking. Setting the timer on the oven, I cleaned the mess I made. Hearing a ding! I grabbed a mitten and checked, It was golden brown, perfectly shaoed croissants were ready. The aroma of the croissants wafted through the air, enticing the senses and bringing a sense of comfort.
By Staringale2 years ago in Chapters
What If Earth Suddenly Stopped Spinning?
Imagine a world where the Earth's relentless spin, which gives us day and night, suddenly comes to a halt for just five seconds. It may sound like a wild idea, but let's dive into what would happen if this hypothetical scenario were to occur.
By Qandil fatima2 years ago in Chapters
Exploring the Mysteries of Black Holes
Traveling through a black hole is one of the most intriguing concepts in astrophysics and theoretical physics. While the description in the provided text is imaginative and exciting, it's important to note that our understanding of black holes is still largely based on theoretical physics, and there is much we don't know about these mysterious cosmic objects. Let's break down some key points:
By Qandil fatima2 years ago in Chapters
The Universe's Hidden Boundaries and the Mysteries Beyond
The universe is an astonishing place, filled with celestial wonders that have captivated humanity's imagination for centuries. From the enigmatic black holes tearing apart enormous stars to pulsars spinning at incredible speeds, emitting powerful beams of energy, and colorful nebulae where newborn stars put on a fireworks display, our cosmos is a treasure trove of captivating phenomena. However, it's important to remember that our universe is not infinite; it has a boundary, a literal wall that separates it from an absolute nothingness. Join us on a journey as we explore these boundaries and delve into the mysteries that lie beyond.
By Qandil fatima2 years ago in Chapters
24 Planets That Are More Extreme and Fascinating Than Earth
Our universe is teeming with diverse and intriguing exoplanets, some of which defy our conventional understanding of habitability. From scorching infernos to eternal darkness, these celestial bodies present a spectrum of conditions that make them far more extreme than our own planet. In this article, we'll explore 24 such planets that offer a glimpse into the astonishing variety of worlds beyond Earth.
By Qandil fatima2 years ago in Chapters
How Things Went From Wonderful to Terrifying.... Content Warning.
My first few years living with Wade were not all awful of course because that is how I got blinded and eventually silenced unbeknownst to me at first. Each and every day was a different day and I learned over the years to watch Wade's body language and to pick up little hints and signs based off what was happening in our lives as to when I could and could not tell him something or what I could and could not say. I knew better and the children knew better than to bother dad right after he woke up as he required at least thirty minutes to an hour before you were allowed to ask any questions or request anything for the day from him. I mean most everyone is a little grumpy when they first wake up but Wade would simply start yelling at you if asked the wrong thing at the wrong time. After that though things were good. At first, Wade helped me around the house and made all the boys listen to me and we all worked together as a team. He told them to respect me because I was their mother/step mother. Wade knew that my love language is acts of service so he would help around the house as much as possible and he doted on my daughter all the time. He was so enthralled with her but he wouldn't take her anywhere with him alone until she was older perhaps around 4 because he always said he wouldn't be able to take care of a baby while out running errands. This always irritated me because I mean I took care of her while doing virtually everything everyday but he always made the excuse that he wasn't good with little kids by himself and he'd told me this from the start so I had no right to be mad. In the very beginning, it started being obvious that although I had a job I could tell that he liked me being home to take care of the house and the kids. I explained to him several times that for one being home all the time made me depressed and that I was a better mother with a job and also that we simply couldn't afford it. I did keep a job throughout our marriage but it always seemed to be something that caused a chip on his shoulder. At first, it seemed he didn't even like me going to hang out with family or friends but I made it clear that I would be going to see my family at least every other week as we had a standing meeting at my grandma's every other Saturday and I was and am very close with my father. He finally gave in a little concerning this but there was a time where I literally went 2 years not speaking to my two very best friends, my sisters because of various reasons but now I can see that one was because he wanted me isolated. I was to care for him, NJ, LJ, AJ and Rayne all day everyday and never focus on anyone else. Although, when we were out and about at a retail store or somewhere he'd always tell me that I never bought anything for myself and I should get something for myself, I always thought of everyone but me, I was so selfless... He was also always sure to tell me everyday that he loved me and that I was beautiful. He loved Rayne so much that he called her his daughter, said that since he had come along while I was still pregnant it was almost like he'd had a hand in helping "make" her and he felt like she was his. He even teared up when he came to see her for the first time after her birth. He even adopted her in 2018 although we both agreed that was the best thing to do we felt and at first Wade seemed excited to adopt Rayne when it came time to he did seem to drag his feet a bit. I wanted to get it done before she went to school so she would learn the right name to write down and although initially it had been his idea as much as mine for him to adopt her suddenly it seemed like "Well, what's the hurry?" but he did go through with it anyway. I now of course regret this decision but you live and you learn. My little Rayne was very sick during the first six months or so of her life and honestly she didn't have a good immune system for the first couple of years of her life and Wade was always supportive of all the time I had to take off work to be with her. However, he never wanted to take off time from his job to stay with her. He claimed it was because he made more so it made more sense for us to lose time from my job where I made less versus his where we could lose potentially more money from him not being there. Anytime I got upset about something or claimed something was unfair I was always told I was just being emotional or not looking at things from his perspective. I was dramatic and although he didn't say it you could tell that every time I cried he found it distasteful and unnecessary. He sometimes would even roll his eyes and say, "Again?" It got to where he did this with my daughter Rayne as well because as it turned out she was quite "emotional" too just like her mother. It became clear after a few years that I was there mostly to be a good wife and raise the children and that was my main purpose according to him. The boys NJ, LJ and I took time forming our bond as they were quite different from my son AJ as far as personality goes but eventually I grew to love those boys as my own. How could I not? Those boys had a rough childhood and it was just the beginning unfortunately. They had seen their mother with different men cheating on their father from what I'd been told, they'd been exposed to all their father's different girlfriends and apparently the party scene quite a bit. Granted, my father had had a few different girlfriends while I was growing up as well but if Wade was moving in with different ones that wasn't stable for the boys and these boys were clingy and wanting affection when I first came into the picture. They needed some TLC and in a bad way. They wanted and craved stability. NJ was such a sweet, good hearted loving child who loved to make people laugh and that boy loved and still does his dad. He has always idolized his dad and that was very obvious from the start. LJ was a rough and roughty child who liked to break everything in his path just to see how it worked. It wasn't that he was a bad child by any means, in fact LJ is one of the sweetest children you'll ever meet but he had no respect for other people's things. I'm not sure if that's because no one ever respected him and his things but because of this behavior it made our bond a little slow to come by but his sweet and caring nature eventually won me over. Not to mention, when Wade and myself got together LJ wanted to go with me everywhere I went. If I was going to my grandma's he came too, the gas station, he hopped in the car. It didn't matter where, LJ was coming with me. I took to calling him my little buddy. Over time, all this turned darker as did everything. NJ started ratting out anything he found to be unacceptable said by myself or my son AJ to Wade and we would literally get into trouble. It would stir up drama and fights within the family. I would get angry that NJ was doing this and Wade would get mad at AJ or myself for whatever lies or twisted words were said about us. It was Wade and his boys against myself and AJ. Wade was constantly trying to get AJ into trouble. I remember a couple of different occasions for reference. Once, Wade wanted AJ to get punished because he said he found my ex's name scribbled on the bathroom wall. His theory was who else in the house would do that? I now, looking back, think Wade did that to set AJ up. I don't remember fully but I don't believe I punished AJ for this but I did question him and I thought at the time that maybe he just missed his dad and that's why he did it. It never occurred to me that Wade would lie about something like that. Second occurrence, I was laying in bed one night and Wade came in there and said that AJ was "throwing ice all over the floor in the kitchen". Now, my son is like his dad and loves to eat just shaved ice so I told Wade that it was probably just accidental and he was making shaved ice and would pick it up when he got done. However, Wade insisted that "No, he's literally taking ice out of the ice bin and throwing it on the floor." Confused as to why he would do that I went and asked AJ about it and he claimed that no, he wasn't doing that. I looked and there was no ice on the floor except maybe one or two pieces. I told AJ to get those when he got done and went back to bed. It was always something like that. It was like Wade was out to get AJ and the only reason I could figure was because of Wade's insane jealousy for my ex and the fact that AJ acted so much like his dad. Wade mocked my ex constantly and even in front of AJ which made him very upset and he would get his boys to join in on the mockery. I will admit that I joined in occasionally but not to the extent that Wade went to and I do regret my part in that now as I see how it affected my son. That was not fair and I realize it was a way for Wade to demean my son and his father. LJ eventually started believing his father's lies somewhat and lost any respect he had for me. He wouldn't listen and neither did NJ to a thing I told them to do. They both argued constantly and LJ took to destroying mine and my son AJ's things or stealing them behind our backs and then lying about it. They never once got punished for the lying or the stealing as it "couldn't be proven." LJ would steal things from my son and take the items to his mother's house so seemingly it had just gotten misplaced or disappeared. At one point, since Wade preferred to work nights it was my job to get the children up and to school in the morning because they were all living with us full time and NJ was having trouble getting up in the mornings. He made us all late a few mornings in a row and one in particular he claimed that he couldn't go to school because he didn't have any clean clothes. By this point, he was a teenager and responsible for washing his own clothes which he knew. He'd gotten up too late to take his shower which he insisted he take only in the mornings and he was mad at me because I had told him to just get some clothes on and come on. I told him to call his dad since he was trying to get out of school even though Wade was at work I felt this was something Wade needed to be called in on since he was giving me such trouble and arguing so much. Wade got angry with me because I'd told NJ to call him at work and literally asked him, "And why are you calling me about this? While I'm at work?" To which NJ replied, " Because she told me to call." as if I was the biggest idiot on the planet. Wade was ultimately just a big bully and even admitted to me that he had been that in school but that he'd changed his ways. It took me so long, too long to realize that he really hadn't changed at all. I'd say around the year 2019 to 2020 is when things really started to change for me and my eyes started to open. That's when the abuse picked up. The more awake I became, the angrier he got.
By Lindsey Altom2 years ago in Chapters
Unmasking Mars
Mars, our enigmatic neighboring planet, has long been a source of fascination and intrigue. While the red planet may seem barren and desolate, it harbors a multitude of mysteries waiting to be uncovered. From angelic sculptures to floating spoons, Mars has shown us some bewildering sights that defy explanation. In this article, we'll delve into the curious phenomenon of pareidolia and the strange discoveries that have captured our imagination on the Martian surface.
By Qandil fatima2 years ago in Chapters
