Photo by Edward Eyer on Unsplash
Sharp jaggedly cliffs
The blazing warm sun on me
Sound of ocean waves
About the Creator
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More stories from Paige Turner and writers in Poets and other communities.
Sharp jaggedly cliffs
The blazing warm sun on me
Sound of ocean waves
More stories from Paige Turner and writers in Poets and other communities.
Comments (1)
Love the use of “jaggedly,” so concrete and tangible. “The blazing warm sun” closes the haiku with a sense of peace and feeling the sun on one’s face. The second line is dramatic and it introduces water strongly but it also takes over the peace of the other two lines because of its length and choppiness (although the choppiness echoes the waves). The challenge would be to reduce that watery and airy emotion of the second line to 7 syllables like reducing a perfume to its core essence.