I Nearly Gave Up Again, Here’s Why I Didn’t

I’ve always been drawn to words and expression.

When I’m in the right headspace, especially when I’m either really happy or really sad, I find that writing comes more naturally. There’s a kind of clarity in those moments that makes it feel almost automatic.

At the same time, I’ve never been confident with spelling or grammar. That’s always been something I’ve struggled with. But the need to express something has always felt stronger inside me, its a quite drive I cant explain stronger than the rejection or inadequate feelings it keeps me trying.

Lately, I’ve been feeling quite overwhelmed. I’ve been trying to set up everything at once: Medium, Substack, Gumroad and Instagram, and it’s a lot. There’s always something new to learn, something else to fix, something that doesn’t quite work the way you expect it to. I was also removed from Threads, which knocked me a bit. I’m still not entirely sure what rule I broke; there are different rules for everything, and that uncertainty makes it so much harder. It leaves you second-guessing what you’re doing.

At the same time, I’ve been putting my work out there in different places, and it can feel like it’s just sitting there. A handful of followers. A couple of sales in six weeks. Some days, it feels like you're going round in circles. It makes you wonder if anyone is really interested, or if you’re just putting things out into the void. I’ve tried different things before. I created colouring books and activity books also recipe books and how- to guides. They have taught me so much, and I have learned tools like Canva and Creative Fabrica and done courses on Udemy and Sillshare, which is never a waste and really fun. I had a few sales, but they never really took off. Then there was a fitness book that was actually doing well. It had good reviews, it was gaining momentum, and then one bad review changed everything. I felt embarrassed. And instead of continuing, I took it down, even though it was my best-selling book at the time.

Looking back, I can see it wasn’t really about the review. It was about how quickly doubt can take over, even when things are starting to work. I think part of what keeps me going now is the fact that I’ve stopped before. I know what it feels like to walk away from creating. And I know that doesn’t feel right either. There’s something in me that keeps coming back to it. Even when it’s slow. Even when it’s frustrating. I don’t seem to leave it behind for long. And maybe that’s the real reason I’m still here. Not because it’s easy. Not because it’s working perfectly. But I want to create something that adds value to the world. Like I’ve done something of worth.

To feel like I’ve added something, however small, that means something to someone. I’ve never really felt like I’ve contributed something special. And that’s what I'm working towards. I've rewritten my Fitness book that I am now proud of, and created a series with two others that are available on KDP. Have also created a four-book Calm Mom's Toddler Series under a new pen name, Emma Hart, and started a Medium blog and Substack. Being proactive is the best I can do for now, and I hope that as I grow in my writing, something I create might reach someone in a way that matters. Maybe that’s enough for now. Not a big audience. Not instant success. Just continuing.

If this resonated with you, I write about everyday life, simplicity, and small ways to make things feel a little calmer.