The Grumpy Old Men are back: Easter Bah!

Marty and Steve were two grumpy old men who lived together. They had known each other for years. Marty was very religious, which may have contributed to his never marrying. Steve had no time for religion. Steve loved to take “the mickey out” of Marty at every opportunity. Easter was no exception.

“So, Marty, did you get me a big Easter egg at the shops?”

“Get out of here, you know I don’t go in for all that crap. Besides, have you seen the prices of those things?”

“You grumpy old bastard, don’t you know eggs at Easter are a sign of new life and rebirth? They also symbolise fertility, but you gave that up a long time ago, didn’t you?”

“Root your boot, you mole*," which was one of Marty’s favourite insults for Steve.

“Well, that’s not very Christian of you, Steve. Is that how you talk to your best mate?”

“I’m not spending ten bucks on a hollow piece of chocolate. Even the little ones are a couple of bucks,” said Marty, defending his actions.

“Well, I have to agree with you there, my old mate. I would much rather have a block of chocolate that has something inside it, not some thin piece of chocolate with a whole lot of hot air in it. A bit like you, Marty, full of hot air, but yours is not as sweet.”

“I know,” said Steve, cutting Marty off, “root your boot ....!”

“Exactly,” was Steve’s reply.

“What I don’t get is what rabbits have to do with Easter?” Marty piped up.

“Easter is all about Jesus, right? So why does a rabbit hand out chicken eggs and what's with all the chocolate? When was the last time you ever saw a rabbit poop out an egg? Have you seen the size of some of those eggs, worse than giving birth!” he added.

“I hear you, Marty,” said Steve, “We are teaching kids all the wrong things.”

“More of that fertility story, I guess,” added Marty trying to sound educated. “I mean, you know that saying 'breed like rabbits.' You don’t hear people saying 'breed like chickens,' do you?”

“No, sir, you do not,” said Steve.

Things went quiet. The two had finally agreed on something and were at a loss for words until Steve ignited a new flame.

“It’s just all too confusing and goes against all my Christian beliefs,” said Marty.

Christian beliefs? Where do you keep those, you crazy old bugger? When was the last time you went to church?

“I don’t have to go to church to believe in God. At least I believe in something, not like you, you heathen,” shot back Marty.

“I believe in a lot of things. For example, I believe that the chicken came before the egg," said Steve, baiting Marty for a further fight.

“We are not going over that again,” Marty said emphatically.

Again, silence as Steve tried to think of something else to bait Marty; he did love their banter.

“So, long story short, you didn’t get me an egg, and you didn’t get me a bunny. I am hurt,” Steve continued.

“No, I did not,” Marty replied. He reached behind his chair and pulled out a block of ‘Old Jamaica’ chocolate. “I got you this,” shoving it towards Steve.

“Aww – you soft old bugger, thanks. I love Old Jamaica.”

“Don’t get too excited; it was on special because it expired a few months ago.”

“Doesn’t matter, chocolate doesn’t go off. You know that box of chocolates I gave you for Christmas? They were from last year. I forgot to give them to you then,” Steve answered with a big smile.

“You tight old bastard, I don’t know why I put up with you.”

Simple, no one else will," said Steve ahvnig the last word (as always).

Pleased that he had once again managed to wind Marty, Steve said, "Of course, I got you something. Let’s go inside and eat your stale chocolate and drink the bottle of cheap red I got you and celebrate Easter our way?”

Till next time,

Calvin

[A/n: “Root your boot, you mole” – An Aussie slang expression that is meant as an exclamation of dismissal, annoyance, or to tell someone to "go away" or "get stuffed"].

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