Why Does Small Talk Become More Difficult with Age?

This Reddit post from a woman in her 30’s laments that she can no longer tolerate small talk, even though she excelled at it in her 20’s. She finds it boring and lacking in substance. Is this normal? Yes, in fact, a lot of commenters agree:

“Sounds totally normal to me but not necessarily associated with aging, although it is a factor. You just sound like you started appreciated depth more than fluff. You want meaning and quality in your social interactions.”

I remember in my 20’s, I had lots of friends. They were superficial and fun. It didn’t matter who your friends were, as long as you had a lot of them. I feel like young adults need people to hang out with as they leave their parents nest and strike out on their own.

Whereas the older we get, the less we need all those pals. I find some friendships become exhausting and difficult to manage.

Growing Apart From Friends You Were Once Close to

I feel like that happens to a lot of people. What mattered to you in your 20’s, no longer does. Also, your lives often take different paths. Even though you both may have followed the marriage and children route, time constraints and differing life goals could hinder the friendship.

Also, you begin to wonder what the point is to maintaining these relationships. What do they actually do for you? You could reason that friends have your back in down times. But do they really?

I remember feeling very let down by certain friends who I thought would be there for me in a pinch. After all, I dropped everything when each of them was going through one crisis or another.

So, when I really needed someone to lean on, I felt I had people I could count on. Turned out I was wrong, really wrong. They were never there for me when I needed them.

I am not this whiny person who is constantly dealing with one dramatic event or another. It was a particularly difficult time in my life that I felt I really could use a friend. The one person who stepped up is the one close friend I still have.

I haven’t completely dropped the others. I just compartmentalized in my head. I know who is really there for me, and who is simpy there for a good time. Since I don’t have the time or inclination to go out clubbing any more, I rarely talk to those “fun” friends.

I feel like I am not alone. Many people I discuss this with, feel the same. It takes a lot of work to maintain friendships and some of them are just not worth the time and effort.

In This article, the author maintains that it is OK to focus on deeper conversations and fewer friends. It means for once you are prioritizing your own needs and not theirs!

How to Prevent Isolation

You may not have the patience for small talk any longer, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t socialize. It is good for your mental well being to surround yourself with positive people.

So, I would engage in small talk for a few minutes and then try to add some depth to the conversation. If you see that the person looks perplexed or bored, you can always revert back to surface oriented subjects.

But it doesn’t hurt to try to engage someone in a meaningful discussion. The people in your life who care about you will try to engage, and you might just get them thinking about topics you are passionate about, and actually learn something!