Mother and Son Relationships Are Sometimes Difficult to Navigate

When it comes to family dynamics, in more ways than one, I've always found that mother and son relationships can sometimes be difficult to navigate.

I thought so when my son was just a child, and also through his teenage years, and now that he's all grown up and become a full fledged man, it's definitely the case.

If I didn't know better, I'd swear he believes he's the parent in this relationship, instead of the other way around.

As you consider the following paragraphs, most readers will find my personal experience to be of interest, while those who happen to be mothers of adult sons, will probably find it to be relatable.

If you're someone who wants help with navigating the choppy waters of your mother son relationship, you can certainly benefit from a bit of smart advice like what I provide at the end of this story.

I know the tips can be beneficial, even though this story is only meant to be an expression of how I feel about the situation I'm personally dealing with.

A Loving but Challenging Mother Son Relationship

I almost feel guilty admitting it, but I'm a mother that currently has a challenging relationship with my adult son. I love him, and he loves me, but I'd be lying if I said we didn't clash a lot of the time.

Truthfully, our mother and son relationship has always been a challenge. I suspect it has something to do with my raising him mostly as a single-parent after my divorce from his father.

It's not unusual for male children to feel like they have to assume the man's role in the family when the father is absent.

Unfortunately, that's when the power struggle first starts to take root and begins to grow, at least it was in my case.

My son was only four when I got divorced, but just one short year later, he seemed to turn 50.

Here's a perfect example of what I mean:

When he was just five years-old, I remember the time he shared a piece of Bazooka bubble gum with me.

He graciously handed me one of the five little goodies I allowed him to purchase from the ice cream truck that day. I can recall us happily grinning at each other as we both bit into the pink fleshy goodness.

About fifteen minutes later, I was in the kitchen and he was sitting down in front of the television - or so I thought - watching either Teen Age Mutant Ninja Turtles, Duck Tales, or Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers.

Without thinking, I spit the bubble gum out, which in my opinion was long overdue for the trash can. It still had a bit of flavor, but the sugar was definitely gone.

I didn’t even hear my son creep up until I noticed him standing in the doorway looking at me. He had a look of suspicion on his face and he didn’t waste a moment asking me the question in his best five-year-old drill sergeant voice:

“Where’s your gum?”

I’m not sure what took me off guard the most; the question he asked, or the ninja move he made by sneaking up on me so quietly.

I couldn’t even think of a lie fast enough (not that I would have lied, I don’t think).

Lying was a non-issue, because I didn't get the chance. His look of suspicion was quickly replaced by one of accusation.

The next thing out of his mouth wasn’t another question at all.

He simply said in his best 50-year-old, I’m the man of the house because you divorced my daddy voice:

“See mom. you waste.”

That was it. Those four simple little words. Then he had the nerve to actually flash me a look of disappointment before he went back to watch whatever cartoon he'd been looking at.

So as you might imagine, even way back then he'd begun to develop the opinionated and sometimes overbearing personality that he still has to this day at age 43.

Don't get me wrong.

He's a very loving person, and still just as generous. He’s smart and opinionated, and still too far ahead of his years. But if I don't put him in check, he can still tend to be just as bossy.

I'm often ruffled by his out-spoken and straight-to-the point personality, which I sometimes find prickly and hard to get along with.

Hoping for a Better Family Dynamic

I confess, complaining about my family dynamic and the relationship between me and my son sometimes makes me feel guilty.

After all, we do have lots of times that we watch movies together, or he drives Miss Daisy (yours truly) on occasional errands.

Sometimes we laugh and go places and have the best time ever. But other times, not so much. More often than not, we end up riding in silence after getting into a heated debate about something along the way.

Then, of course, there are some occasions when I simply decline to spend anytime with him at all, because I don't want the hassle.

All it takes is one off comment or debate over the smallest issue and the next thing you know, we end up retreating to our separate corners.

Usually I'm still in a funk about things the next day, while he's gotten over it and moved on. He's usually good about that, but personally, I'm not wired that way.

Once upon a time, I used to wish so badly that things would eventually change, and my son and I could have a better understanding of one another.

It's so easy to watch someone else's family dynamics from the outside and envy what you think their relationships consist of.

Instead of being happy and satisfied to have my son in my life just the way he is, arguments and all, I used to wish for things to be different with us.

But somewhere down the line, without me even realizing it, our spats have become less and less of an issue these days.

I guess I'm starting to learn how to navigate our relationship a lot better than I used to, even though there's still a lot of room for improvement.

Things have gotten better, thanks to my acceptance of the situation and my recognizing that love isn't perfect. It doesn't have to look any one particular way.

We are who we are and some things are just fixed into our personalities.

I have no more right wanting or expecting him to change than he has, expecting me to do so.

My son is a Gemini and I've come to believe that his personality is truly in line with his astrological sign - the sign of the twins. He literally seems like a totally different person sometimes.

Sweet as pie one day, and salty as the sea on others.

Since I've always been a passionate and oversensitive person, it doesn’t take much for my feelings to get involved, or to get my feelings hurt.

I've come to appreciate that between my overly sensitive nature, and my son's occasional gruff manner, it's easy for us to clash if no one makes an effort to avoid it.

So naturally, I took the lead and started making the effort, and for the most part, our bickering and usual debates have been drastically reduced.

I suspect that he sees me trying to make more of an effort, even though it means me holding my tongue at times and keeping my opinion to myself.

Yes - we still have our clashes, but I've come to learn how to pick and choose my battles. By doing so, I get to go a lot more places with my son and we watch a lot more movies together in peace.

Final Thoughts

If you’re a mom with a son who makes it difficult to enjoy spending time together, why not try to analyze the situation and see what role you play in making things hard.

• Maybe you have a sensitive nature and you tend to take things too personal.
• Maybe it's not your fault at all, but you still need to be the one to find a way to make things better.

If it comes down to it, allow yourself to accept the fact that you and your son may never have the picture perfect relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

If that's the case - so what?

Be happy for whatever good that currently exists in your relationship, and be glad you're still a part of one another's life.