Support Group

After 40 years of marriage, you think that I would be ready to say goodbye. You think that there would be some understanding that not everything could remain the same forever, but still. Waking up in a bed that for 40 years held both of us alone is not something that I ever knew how to get used to.

My husband wasn't perfect; I do not know any marriage that really is. We occupied the same space for 40 years. I suppose there was a time when we were really in love, in the early days before there was anything to worry about, but those days passed.

There was a flyer for a widow support group on the bulletin board at church. If I can bring my yarn, I guess anything is better than another TV dinner on the couch at home.

I arrived at church fifteen minutes before the meeting started. I can't believe there are so many young women here. There are cushions on the floor to sit on, which won't do my back any favors, but the candles are nice, and there is tea.

Sitting in the meeting, I quickly realize that this is not really a normal support group. Some of the women here even share relief that their husbands are gone. I understand that for those who were abused or in bad relationships, but isn't there a time we are supposed to hold to grieve a life that we at one point or another loved.

The leader is one of those very hippy-dippy types who constantly remind us that all feelings are valid and no one is judging here. She asks really specific questions to everyone who is sharing, and I am not sure why, but I am getting the feeling that not everything is normal here.

Where did that brochure come from?

Many of the spouses died in accidents, much like my own husbands. The accidents feel a bit too tailored for my own comfort, like allergic reactions, falls, or car accidents. One of the widows even admits that she has wished her husband had died.

And then it just happened.

No one seems concerned; instead, they validate her.

What is going on here?

When I get home that night, I start looking into the members online. I even looked into past members from the Facebook group. It seems that if they are no longer in the group, then they are gone without a trace.

There is definitely something off about the leader. Is she helping these deaths happen? Is she teaching them to kill? Is there a recruitment quota for a support group? Most importantly, why would I be invited into this group?

A message from the group leader shows up in my inbox.

"So happy that you came. We are here for you! I know how trapped you felt. You're allowed to admit the truth."

I slammed my computer closed. What is going on?

At the next meeting, another group member will have just gone. I asked another member, and they told me the leader had guided them.

"She helped me see what I needed to do."

Why am I still standing here?

I confronted the leader during the speaking time. She is so calm. How can she be so calm?

"I did not create monsters. I freed them."

I just stared at her, trying to figure her out. Trying to find where a person ended and this psychopath started. She looked at me and said the one thing that could actually make me stand up and walk away.

"His death wasn't an accident. It is just a choice that you haven't admitted yet."

That is the final straw for me. I get up and go home immediately. I spend the night cleaning and spend some time in the garden tending the new soil. Finally called the police and reported my husband missing.

Then will not ever find him but my garden has never been better.

I go into group the other day. The leader does not show up, someone says there was an accident last night.

It is okay, I am here now.