Beloved

Flowers cascade down the aisles of a quiet church, the pews filled with friends and loves ones. At the alter stand the largest of the arrangements, fragrant flowers wafting their perfume, through the chapel, certain to create and evoke scent memories in future recollections of this day. The parishioners file in and will soon file out, with whispers of, “It was a beautiful service,” “The flowers were so lovely,” and “I’m sorry for their loss. His passing was long in coming, but so sudden.”

Tears are falling and have been for hours and days, amidst the wailing sobs of grieving. You are dead. Yes, sad but true.

Friends and family all gathered to see you off to eternity, or wherever you think you go after you kick it, and their hearts are broken. Their hearts break for each other, friends and family alike, and of course for you.

The friends file out, the family leaving last. Everyone goes back to their lives, to grieve and mourn in their own way. Over the next few months the pain will be vivid of your absence, and at some point the memories of you, the bringing up of your name, will be in joy and with loving laughter.

Your surviving family, are raw with emotion. They loved you so much and they hurt for your wife, children and siblings. It’s nice to see, from the beyond.

A call comes to your widow. Maybe you don’t have a widow, but you had children. The call comes, from the lawyer, or maybe it was the probate court. Your last will be read the following week.

The gloves come off, and blood no longer is thicker than water. What the heck just happened? Greed, that’s what. Greed the great equalizer.

It is indiscriminate and makes everyone behave in the same manner, for the most part. Hungry.

All of a sudden the grieving is put on hold and the focus shifts into, “what did he leave me,” or “what will she get.”

That thing you used to joke about that was so inane, you know, that ball cap, or maybe it was a rod and reel, will become the holy grail, and each member of your family will thinks that they are the best and only crusader, that should get it. Don’t get me started on money.

Suddenly, not a single one of the surviving and loving members of your clan, will remember what the words love, grace, selfishness, mean. It will be all about the get.

Let’s not be too hasty, they are not the only ones while crave your junk. Family, you never spoke too or knew existed, now show up with empty sacks for their takings. Everyone will want something, and think whoever winds up with it, is unworthy of your generosity.

Every wrong, every mistake, every bad act and behavior will suddenly be thrown across the table, like the mashed potato bomb, John Belushi spit out in Animal House (google it, or Netflix search it). These insufficiencies in their makeup, will all be fodder for the vilification.

I have seen this happen so many times, that it turns my stomach. I have seen siblings against, siblings, mothers against children, uncles, aunts, nephews and nieces, and so on, become the vilest of human beings for a buck.

I can’t tell you the horrors of some of the worst acts they committed for their share of the pie, they may have had no hand in making. I’ve seen a woman, clear out her brother’s house and change the locks, before his own daughter could come collect her father’s things.

I have seen one sister deny the other off a single piece of jewelry, even though she received everything else, and even a far more expensive piece of jewelry from her deceased mother.

I have seen one brother withhold ashes from the biological brother of the decedent, because he felt he had the right to them, though he was not even the deceased’s son, and had not been for decades.

Literally, family will fight over everything, when you leave this earth. Houses, land, money, furniture, jewelry, even old clothes are suddenly, treasures of King Tutankhamen. Its astounding.

During this time and craziness in greed, the grieving seems to be an afterthought. And then suddenly after the will reading, grieving resumes and picks up, though with more drama, like a long movie or play after the intermezzo. The things you learn about humans and humanity, are all right there, in grieving and mourning. With exception of a few, we are all covetous and selfish.

After seeing this happen more times than not, my husband and I made sure to be very specific with our wills. We fortunately, have only one son, so he naturally gets everything, but we made sure no long lost anything comes slinking around for a part of the loot. We made sure he knows exactly what is all his. It is clear to everyone.

It’s sad that human behavior is such, that a dying person, would even have to bother ironing out the wrinkles of the fallout of his or her death, instead of just enjoying their time left with loved ones, but it is what happens.

I can offer up some bit of advice in order to supplant any vultures, make sure everyone knows who gets what. Make sure you keep your wills up to date, and that there is a clear document and legally filled list of everything you will bequeath. Unless you want to watch the MMA fight after you are gone, on that big screen in the sky. If that is your kick, bring pop corn, because the show is far more cruel, than a documentary of a shark having lunch with a seal. Or should I say having the seal for lunch.

If that kind of drama is not ton your liking, then make sure you are always prepared and have a current will in the hopper. Make sure you properly record it with the county you live in, and keep it updated often. There can always be an argument made over a will that was written years ago, before this and that happened, throwing the entire estate (yes, not all of us have estates, it an unfortunate label), into a lovely thing called probate.

In probate, a person you have never met, will decide for people he or she has never met, who gets what. Trust me when I say, that is even worse a war your family will get into, as they try to sway the court to side with them. All of a sudden, that cousin who helped you get away with pulling that little five year old girl’s hair, will have the best reason for his inheritance.

The way I see it, everyone should be prepared. If you don’t have time, or think you have way more time to do that, you delude yourself. You don’t know the time or place your ticket will be punched. So, get it together and make it legally binding, or just don’t die.